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Get Where You Want to Go with Self-Confidence

Eddie Grassi, Life Coach

Having self-confidence is on a lot of people's wishlist this year.  That's probably because self-confidence is necessary to be successful at what you do.  What's great is that just a little self-confidence in anything can evolve into mountains of the stuff, which can be applied to many things.  It's one of those must have traits that enable us to perform at our full-potential when we meet challenges in our relationships and career. 

If you could buy a bottle of self-confidence from Target, you would probably give it a try. 

You could then drink some of it and then ta-dah, you have self-confidence.  The only trouble is its expiration date.   This means that this precious trait will not last forever in your system.  While this could never happen, in reality our attitude towards self-confidence isn't much different.  We tend to think of it as something that does not come naturally.  If it does at all, it is short-lived, insufficient, and scarce. 

But back to the magical self-confidence drink.  You take a chug and now that you have it, there is so much you want to accomplish, just like Bradley Cooper in "Limitless. "

There are so many things you want to accomplish.  With each successive sip, it's as if the veil of self-doubt is lifted higher.  Enter the new improved version of you, the one shining with self-confidence.

As you sip from the elixir, you think to yourself, wow, it's so strange to not worry about what others think.  On the label it says, free yourself from your own controlling self-criticism.  You read further and it says, "inhibitions are gone, at least for the moment."  (The last part is in small print and you skip it.)

Wouldn't this be great? What if I told you that no such wonder drug is needed to feel self-confidence? That a lack of self-confidence is a learned condition that you can reverse. 

I wrote down these ideas as benefits to self-confidence:

  • say what you really are thinking or feeling without fear of how others may react 
  • dive deep inside yourself and ask hard questions like: why am I feeling anxious or frustrated
  • Why am I feeling sad or angry  
  • be real honest with yourself without fear of self-criticism or self-contempt coming up
  • you can try new things that you've been wanting to do

Basically, the trait of self-confidence allows you to begin accepting who you are without judgement.  With this tool in hand, you can see more objectively what areas of yourself you would like to improve upon.

Most important of all, you can finally trust in yourself to begin the process of change.   

I am here to say it can be done.  You don't need a bottle of it either.  If only you look in the right places, it can be found.

Self-confidence is a vehicle for positive change.   Along with that comes courage, which Maya Angelou has something to say about.  "Without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently."  

Because self-confidence is so important to change, it needs to be carefully cultivated.  Just as new seedling needs sunshine, water and soil to grow, self-confidence needs certain things to grow and mature to become a trait inside.   

Self-confidence doesn't sprout up by will-power alone.  Those quick-fixes may elevate one to take action but they do not foster long-term integration of the attribute.     

So how does one go about cultivating self-confidence?  Essentially, its practice.   It's not as difficult and daunting as it may sound.  Hiring a life coach who specializes in this and can hold you accountable is one way.    

Even if you have a denied yourself the opportunities to grow self-confidence, you can change that right now.   One way to begin is by creating experiences for yourself where you will have virtually no chance to fail at having self-confidence. 

Knowing how these types of experiences can be used to hardwire yourself for self-confidence is important because there are actual practices and techniques to use.   

But again, it will be helpful to have a coach who has the training to know what actions you need to learn for self-confidence to grow.   

Other ways include silencing the self-critic inside you which inhibits actions that challenge long held assumptions you have about yourself.  

If you are interested in learning more about how to grow self-confidence and what doors it can open for you, I encourage you to contact me.


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